I send this out to whoever may read it. I don't
know if it will go anywhere, but I have to write about
this. Yesterday my Cat, Scully died. She died after
being hit by a car. I took her to the vet as she howled
and howled. When I put my hand on her bloodied face,
she was silent and I could feel that she was trying
to purr. When I went into the doctor's office, I knew
that Scully wold never leave. The doctor worked as hard
as he could, but I knew that he was working around to
putting her to sleep. The decision was mine, it had
to be. So I made it. Poor Scully kept her head in my
hand, breathing laborously, trying to see, trying to
breath, trying to live. Then the injection. I held until
she died and I felt the life slip out of her. Just as
she would steal into the room before me to wait, her
small ghost did so into death. When I found her, I knew
that she was waiting for me to come and save her, but
I couldn't. I took her body and buried her in the garden.
She was the calico soul of my house, a blur of a furry
missile that darted from room to room. The polite meow
that followed her leap onto the bed for the night. The
loud rumble of a purr that sounded as I stroked her
nestled in the covers. The total inspiration of my first
unpublished novel: Intrigue Satellite, where a man and
a cat are linked to become secret operatives of a besieged
government against their will. As I wrote it, she would
sit on the shelf nearby and sometimes lay her paw on
my shoulder, as if trying to help me along in the plot.
Funny, in the end of the book, the man and the cat seemingly
die as they defeat their adversary. The cat dies first,
and her ghost leads the man into whatever afterlife
awaits. Neither is afraid, as they together in death
as they were in life. Now she is gone and there is nothing
I can do. Such a small being, that when she left, she
left such a large hole. I look at the other two cats
and I can't explain where she went, but they are asking
anyway. I cannot bridge the gap, I cannot explain. And
even with the other two still there, it feels so empty
and incomplete.
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